Boobs.

Since it is National Breastfeeding week I thought I should talk about boobs so brace yourself.

And if the word “boobs” or just breastfeeding in general freaks you out then I only have one thing to say to you:

Calm your tits.

Give those breasts a rest.

Your honkers need to stop going bonkers.

And don’t have a calamity in your mammaries.

They are just boobs. In fact there are more nipples in the world than people if you think about it.

To be completely honest, I wish breastfeeding is something that everyone in the world has to experience because there is so much to it. Kind of like gym class in high school. I love it, I hate it, I want to do it forever, I want to stop this second, and I feel as though no one truly understands.

The thing about being a mom is that everyone feels the right to have a say in what you are doing. I am five months in of exclusively breastfeeding my little one and I have heard it all from family to friends to people online that I have never meant before.

“Why are you so against formula?”, “Are you going to be one of those people who like breastfeeds till they are like seven years old?”, “I feel so uncomfortable when I see people with their boobs just hanging out”, “She looks pretty tiny, maybe you should start giving her some formula to bulk her up”, “Isn’t it kind of selfish that you are always feeding her and not letting others bond with her too?”, and my personal favorite “I would never breastfeed because of what my boobs would look like after”.

Yup. These are real life, real people saying real stupid stuff to someone whose hormones are still on the fritz from bring a life into this real crazy world.

At first, after hearing all of these things I thought “wow I am wondering where all of these people found the time to go and get their medical degrees because they seem to know an awful lot about raising babies”.

Just because someone breastfeeds does not mean they are against formula. My son had formula from five weeks to one year old and he is perfectly fine and healthy. I tried breastfeeding with my son and it wasn’t in the cards for us and that was completely fine. Fed is best not breast is best.

Just because someone breastfeeds does not mean they like their boobs hanging out. I personally can’t even make eye contact when I am getting measured by that lady at Victoria Secret so if you honestly think I enjoy feeding my baby in public so people can see my boobs, you are mistaken. I am actually chanting “chug chug chug” frat party style to her so she eats faster and people can stop staring at me.

Just because someone breastfeeds does not make them selfish and not want to share their baby. I would love if my husband’s nipples produced liquid gold like mine do. I would cry tears of joy if in the middle of the night instead of me walking up to feed our daughter, he rolled over, whispered to me “don’t worry babe I got this” and whipped out a magic milk producing boob and fed our daughter, but that day has yet to come.

Just because someone breastfeeds does not mean their body is ruined. It is actually the full course of motherhood that does a number on your body and you can’t give all the credit to just breastfeeding.

Pregnancy stretches your body in directions that only you, God, and your OBGYN know about. My belly has been through the ringer with my two little bundles of joy that at five months since the great escape with baby number two, my stomach is like a personal awning for my lady parts.

My hair now does this crazy thing since becoming a mom where it is actually turning grey around my ears. Pretty crazy since I’m only in my twenties but it’s like natures personal mom highlights.

My boobs can also do this pretty cool trick of making me go from a DD Pamela Anderson size to president of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee in just one feeding.

The human body is such a crazy and just plain freaking awesome thing that we shouldn’t feel uncomfortable and embarrassed about it. We can literally grow people and nourish them in our bodies for nine months- or a whole forty-two weeks if you are like me and have the warmest womb ever. Why is it so not accepted that we are amazing enough to nourish our little homegrown humans outside the womb too?

So the next time you see someone breastfeeding, don’t judge. Give them a coffee because chances are their husband’s boobs can’t do the same thing that theirs can do at 2am and give them some credit.

And just Hakuna your tatas.

Its just boobs.

-Em

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